Oh What a Difference a Year Makes

I was just on facebook and posted my Year in Review of Status Updates. It was fun. As I was looking at my 87 updates to choose 12 from I realized none of them were the heart and soul of my 2012. Nor should they. Facebook is not where I leak my inner most thoughts and feelings.

Last January 1st we were holed up at the beach, trying to drown our sorrows from our failed adoption. We tried to let the waves wash our sadness away as we held our little family closer. In all my life I will never forget where we were and how we felt as we told the boys they were not going to meet the little sister. In a strange way, the group hug we shared sobbing and wailing, is a moment I will treasure forever.  January 2012 was going to bring this amazing experience and change our lives. It did change our lives. I love this picture because it brings all the emotions of that trip back to my mind. It was heart-wrenching and healing all in the same trip. It was a strange mix of experiences and emotions for us.

Here we are, January 2013. We are holed up again, not because we had to escape. This time, we are in our little house and we don't want to leave. We are not drowning anything, we are relishing in our completion. We are soaking up the joy and the strength and the love we feel as our family is moving through the next chapter of our life. We aren't stuck in this adoption loop of "what-is-or-is-not-going-to-happen."

2012 brought moments to my life that showed me some of my lowest lows. It also brought me moments of some of my highest highs. It was a roller coaster year, for sure. Through it all, I was given this amazing strength to cope, to deal, and even to thrive (at times) in the "now."

At church someone had decorated a bulletin board with this random quote that I stared at week in and week out. Over the course of several months, I wrote it down in my scriptures and on my notebook, on old gum wrappers and used envelopes, as I sat in that room listening to the words of my Savior teach me about peace and love and healing. For Christmas, Jack "made it all fancy" and had it framed for me. I didn't really notice he had seen my obsession with it. It was my favorite Christmas present.

"Worry doesn't empty tomorrow of its troubles, it only empties today of its strength."

That's my real 2012 in review.