"Filled to the rim, with Brim."

Every time I start to think or say, "I am filled with " all I can think of is that dumb coffee commercial from the 80's.

Something dumb happened the other day. It was stupid, but I started to feel a little self-pity start to creep in. You know, when a teeny tiny pity party starts. Then something else dumb happened and the party started hoppin'. But before the cops could get called on my raging pity-party, I saw it. I saw her. I saw all four of them actually, interacting, and I was filled...

There is a sense of unity, of completion, of wholeness here. I feel it. It makes me laugh out loud when no one is around. It makes me to cry tears of joy when I look at photographs of all SIX of us. This feeling is so filling. It's feels surreal, often. It's funny, because while we are swimming in a haze of bills like we never have seen and a haze of sleep-deprivation like we forgot existed, we have this new amazing reality and it supersedes the haze! Watching the boys love Sterling and care for her fills me with excitement and unparalleled love for all four of them. Watching Jack and I experience parenting a newborn as, shall we say, more weathered parents is gratifying and makes me realize we can probably take on anything at this point (although please hear me, universe, when I say, we are finished with the hard stuff, easy only from here on out).

First day of school breakfast (the only time we eat bfast together on a weekday)

Sometimes I feel like someone needs to pinch me. It happened. It really happened. We wondered, we worried, we waited. Sterling is just part of us now. It's crazy. The drama, the chaos, the unknown...it's all known, and it worked out. (Now nothing is final until the lawyer sends us "THE" paper, hopefully in Feb or March, but we are calling that a mere formality at this point.) Also funny is the notion of us as "a little family." We are not little. As a party of 6, we do nothing small or discreet. We are big. We are loud. We are a presence. But we feel small to me. We feel right.

I have an abundant life, blessed beyond what I thought possible. I am sad I wasted half a day thinking about stupid things I don't have. In regards to what matters, I have it all. My BRIM runneth over.